Hello, everyone! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to add another entry...life, ya know? But I am really feeling like sharing this story right now. So, as you all know, transfer day was July 25th, 2019. Everything went amazing and we were even able to confirm pregnancy with a baby girl two weeks later. Well, on August 14th I got the worst phone call of my life. I had gotten the day off because we were slow at work and I was (as usual these days) emotionally exhausted. It was probably like...0930 in the morning and I was awoken by a call..I saw KRISTIN GC on my phone and instantly my heart dropped down to the bottom of my stomach. She never calls me. EVER. It's always a text. I answered the phone tentatively. "What's up"? She says, "I just woke up and I'm in the bathroom and I'm bleeding". I start crying. I ask her if she's had a pad on, and if not to put one on, and how much it is. She tells me it's like a normal period. In my head I am freaking out because what IS a normal period? Everyone is so different. We agree that she needs to call USF (where all of my infertility treatment/surrogacy is) and explain what's going on. In the meantime, I am making phone calls to my agent. I am hysterical. My agent mentions a subchorionic hematoma and swears that's what is wrong. But we have no proof. I continue making calls, back and forth, back and forth. In a state of insanity and unknown. I can't even speak to my deployed husband. And I have to stay calm for my surrogate. She is looking to me, as a nurse, to have answers. USF FINALLY calls back ( how do you not have an emergency line?) and schedules an emergent ultrasound. My mom meets me at my house and Kristin has a friend drive her (over AN HOUR DRIVE) to USF. Once we get there and meet Kristin I try to explain what the bleeding could be. We all try to make sense of the situation. Kristin decides she has to go to the bathroom and I follow to examine the pad she placed before driving to USF. As soon as she shows me the blood stained pad I start to become anxious. It was much more than I expected. I tried to keep my calm but when I became quiet and less responsive my mother and Kristin both knew that I was concerned. You see, we had never been told about the possibility of a hematoma, and I was completely blind sided. All I could think was, this is it, my one baby girl embryo is miscarrying. And I did NOT want to put that pressure onto Kristin. We waited for what seemed like hours for our ultrasound. The tech and a nurse practitioner called us back; they both looked so somber. The ultrasound began and my heart was beating out of my chest. I held my mother's hand and felt in my heart that I was going to fail at motherhood again. How could I put myself through everything and still fail? How could I pray and meditate and improve myself (physically and mentally) to just fail again? WHY????????? What did ever do?????
And then the moment came. The wand of the ultrasound swept across the uterus and there she was. A tiny embryo nesting in an embryotic sac between uterus, cervix, and hemtoma. And the tech yelled, "She's still there!!!!!!!!!!!! She's still there". And the NP had a look of relief on her face. And I held Kristin's hand (wanting so badly for her to know that, no matter what, it would be okay) and held my mother's hand with my opposite and we wept. And I said thank God, a million times over. Thank the Universe. Thank EVERYTHING; this baby girl was still holding on. She was still there. Just like her mama. Still holding on, regardless of what 'should be'. A fucking fighter. The amount of proud and secure I felt in that moment was so surreal. Like everything in the Universe was mocking me for ever having a doubt; and proving to me that this little girl was/is something very, very special.
We all left that ultrasound with a massive amount of relief. Kristin has so much on her shoulders with this surrogacy and she has done an amazing job. 16 weeks and counting with this absolute miracle of a child #LJC