I am so beyond pleased with the amount of people who loved my last post. I really love writing (it's my first passion in life) and sharing my story has always been extremely therapeutic for me. In light of recent events (positive pregnancy!) I've deal with one statement from others that really, really bothers me. It's nothing done intentionally, in fact, it is said without a thought. Which is where the issue lies. So often we respond to things around us just to respond and not to understand. We are so automated that we don't stop to think before blurting out word vomit to the person we are speaking to. We are all guilty of this. So, with that being said, here goes my rant. NEVER tell an intended parent facing surrogacy and a positive pregnancy test to "get ready" for parenthood. We don't need you to tell us how many sleepless nights and missed events we will face. We don't need you to tell us that babies are hard. That parenting is hard. I am about to tell you why (keep in mind this is my version of why and it is different for every person facing this situation).
I waited a long time before getting pregnant. Eight years of marriage to be exact. I knew I wanted to be completely prepared to be selfless and devoted to the task of parenting. I knew that I was too selfish and had to wait for the right time. I spent nine months being pregnant; preparing for the day my daughter would arrive. And that day never came. And in the last two years I have exhausted myself mentally and financially to reach a goal. I have prepared myself in ways that the average person could never comprehend. I've spent many sleepless nights worrying about my situation. And many other sleepless nights wondering why I couldn't be holding my daughter. I would give up everything to have those nights. And I spent even more days injecting myself with hormones, researching surrogacy and attending endless doctor's appointments. I would give up every single outing with my friends to have been at home with my daughter. I would have never gone to the gym and dealt with how I looked to spend time with my daughter. My point is that when you don't know the feeling of loss that comes with losing a child and your ability to carry one you really don't understand what is worth giving up. All parents sacrifice, of course, but we all take advantage of what comes so naturally because we cannot fathom it being taken away. The degree of understanding is completely different. Think about it. Can you sit down and think and know exactly how you would feel if one day you could not have a child? How badly you would want it then? It's a hard concept to truly, truly understand. It really is. Most days, I don't even get it. I forget that I am incapable. And when I remember, it hurts. It feels like a disability; a weight on top of my chest.
So I fought a lot of battles, some small and some big. I don't think anyone who is becoming a parent could be more prepared than those going through surrogacy. We have put in a lot of fight and grit to get to this point and we are more than ready. And, let's be honest, there's an enormous financial investment with this process. You really have to want it. I can't even convey the amount of "ready" I am. So, in any life situation, remember to listen and reply with understanding and not just to respond. It's important. Don't compare or give advice. It's hard to not do those things because it is like second nature but if the world just listened a little more it would be that much more of a beautiful place to exist in.
Thank you, everyone, again for reading and sharing and supporting. It means the world to me. Posting again soon with more dual surrogacy emotions and stories!
Love, Alyssa