I guess I will start my blogging with the most infamous event of my life. Many of you already know this story; but maybe it will sound or feel different after reading my personal account of it. And so we begin...
This story really starts in July of 2016. My husband and I had just bought our first home. We picked a quaint little house in the heart of Plant City, FL. On a little over an acre of land with four bedrooms and a fireplace to die for. We were more than excited to start life here.
In September of 2016 we tried for a baby. We had tried about a year before this, but I always chickened out running to the bathroom to clean away any chances of pregnancy. I was never ready until we actually owned a home and were in a place of full content. One night in October of 2016 Taj and I were horsing around, joking and laughing while I sipped a glass of Moscato. Out of the blue I projectile vomited all over our bedroom floor. I chalked it up to laughing too hard and poured myself another glass of wine. Taj, on the other hand, thought that this was abnormal for me [I guess working nightshift as an RN on a busy med surg unit made me a wine drinker at the time], so the next morning he greeted me in bed with a pack of pregnancy tests and a Mcgriddle from McDonalds. I laughed and took the brown paper bag containing the tests and went to the bathroom. I took the test and sat staring at it wondering what it would be like if I'd really been pregnant. It took less than a minute for the faint lines to appear; I was pregnant. And as the second minute ticked away the lines only grew darker. All I remember is yelling, "Holy FUCK, I'm pregnant!!!" out of the bathroom doorway. Taj entered the room asking if I was serious and I proudly shoved the test in his face. I don't remember ever feeling that happy in my entire life. Our due date was June 21st, 2017.
The months of pregnancy glided by; we took progress pictures every week. My pregnancy body felt so gorgeous and amazing. I was just utterly amazed at the transformation my body was undergoing. We waited until around 20 weeks to find out the gender. Taj wanted a boy; I wanted a girl. I had a name picked out for years. Lena Noelle. An old family name honoring the French side of my family. The day we went for the ultrasound I remember having my toe nails painted baby blue, in honor of Taj wanting a little boy. I had studied ultrasound pictures for days to see if I could tell what gender our baby was when we went. The ultrasound tech checked every organ and limb before checking the gender; but I remember a moment when she slid by the baby and I saw it on the screen and automatically knew it was a baby girl. Then she finally told us. "Your baby girl is sitting so pretty and perfectly; here I am Mom and Dad!". Lena Noelle was there. The look on Taj's face when he saw her; I mean really saw HER, melted my soul. We were in an indescribable bliss. And then the spoiling began...
I spent every waking moment planning and buying. My favorite Disney movie is The Little Mermaid so I decided that Lena was going to be my little mermaid. Everything I bought her was mermaid themed. I even had my uncle paint a mermaid themed saying on the biggest wall of her nursery; "Mermaid kisses and starfish wishes". I remember registering at Babies R Us with my mom. I felt so overwhelmed yet so ecstatic to be picking out every thing my baby needed or didn't need. And my mom planned a beautiful shower for us at a charming winery just down the road from our home. We were so ridiculously spoiled with gifts for Lena. It was amazing. I was in awe of the love surrounding us.
The weeks went by and pregnancy was in full effect. I went to work every day just glowing with pregnancy and happiness. Then June 5th came. My 38th week of pregnancy. I left work around 2:15 that day. I was getting off of the interstate around 3:00 where I stopped at a light crossing a main road in Plant City. I only had about 1.5 miles to go to make it home. The only thought in my head at the time was getting home to assemble my baby's dresser; the last piece to finishing her nursery. And then everything goes blank. I am in a state of darkness with only my thoughts to keep me company. "Why did you fall asleep?! You HAVE to wake up and put that dresser together! I guess I can do it tomorrow after work, but god I will be so tired". And then thoughts of dying entered my mind. "If I am going to die, I just want an ice cold Pepsi first". All the while nothing but darkness surrounded me. A pitch black you could never imagine.
June 8th, 2017. I am awake. Except I am in a strange place. I am laying in a hospital bed. All I can ask for is Pepsi. Cold Pepsi. Please. I take a few sips; my family is surrounding me. I ask,"Is my baby dead". My mom steps forward from what seems like a sea of faces and tells me yes. I lose it. I cry and I scream "fuck" over and over again. I die inside. My light fades out. I am devastated.
So what happened? I don't remember anything about June 5th. I only have stories told to me from police officers, nurses, doctors, firefighters, paramedics and family members. As I was crossing the light getting off of the interstate an illegal immigrant driving an old school bus for a strawberry farm in Plant City ran a red light and t-boned my two door Volvo. I was stuck in my vehicle for 45 minutes while first responders fought to break me free from the steel frame of my car. I was completely conscious and giving direction to those helping me; which is so totally me if you know me. I was finally freed from the wreckage and flown via helicopter to Tampa General Hospital. The flight nurses thought I was okay; I was cussing at the turbulence in the helicopter and telling them who I am and what I do for a living, All was okay until the doctors did an ultrasound on me at the hospital. They knew they had to deliver my daughter via c-section immediately to assess the internal damage. I was brought to the OR in the labor and delivery unit. While my husband and family held my dead baby in their arms doctors were fighting to stop me from bleeding to death ; a problem they were not prepared for. My daughter was tamponading an overflow of internal bleeding that had not been known to the doctors before delivery. I was intubated and worked on for hours. I went into disseminated intravascular coagulation [google it], respiratory failure, and hypothermia. I received 53 units of blood products. I developed hemorrhaging in both of my kidneys. The trauma team tried for hours to stop my bleeding until ultimately the decision was made to remove my spleen and uterus. I would become infertile. After removing my organs the bleeding slowed. My abdomen was left open and packed and covered with sterile dressings overnight in ICU. I was brought back to surgery the next day to remove the packing and close my abdomen. I stayed intubated until June 8th. Each day having another surgery. I had pins, screws and plates placed in my left hip and from my right iliac crest to my spine. I had another surgery for degloving of my right knee. All while staying intubated. My family was told I wouldn't make it. But somehow I survived. And I woke up. Instead of waking up from a nightmare I woke up to a nightmare. A life I didn't know anymore.
This is the story of the day that changed my entire life. A story you must know before I write about other topics regarding my life; my fight. Again, thank you for reading. God Bless.